How to Handle Caregiver Burnout

Being a caregiver can feel really good—you're giving back to the person who helped and supported you for so many years of your early life. But without a doubt, it's also hard work. And over time, the responsibility of caring for Mom or Dad can take its toll. If you're feeling drained and overwhelmed, you might be among the 78% of people who report experiencing burnout in their role as a caregiver for their parent.

"Many caregivers feel burned out because their loved ones rely on them for everything. They cannot catch a break," says Cynthia Odogwu, M.D., a family medicine physician based in Upper Marlboro, MD. That's especially true when you're caring for an older adult, since the demands tend to grow as their functioning shrinks.

Though it might seem like you're on a never-ending hamster wheel, it's possible to slow things down and catch a breath. It starts with recognizing the signs of burnout and finding ways to relieve some of that ever-building pressure.

What Is Caregiver Burnout?

Burnout happens when chronic stress leaves you physically, mentally, and emotionally drained. It is often precipitated by situations that require you to pour all your energy into a particular problem or task, leaving you little or no capacity to tend to your own needs. In the case of caregiver burnout, over time, the constant commitment to caring for Mom or Dad starts to make you feel overwhelmed, trapped, or disconnected, according to Mental Health America.

Why Caregivers of Older Adults Are Especially at Risk

Being a caregiver for your aging parent—something 63 million Americans, or one in four adults in the U.S., do, according to AARP—can be particularly challenging. For one, you're juggling multiple responsibilities, including supervising medications, taking your parent to doctor's appointments, dealing with household tasks, helping them bathe and feed themselves, and providing emotional support, per the National Library of Medicine. These responsibilities get bigger as time goes on as your parent becomes more dependent on you for help, while also still wanting to age in place.

Caregiving for your parents raises some complex relationship dynamics, too. It can be hard to switch roles and be the "grown up" as your parent declines. If you're caring for a spouse, there's the challenge of balancing caregiving with your romantic relationship. In both cases, "it is especially important to help maintain dignity and as much independence as possible along with providing necessary care, and sometimes that is a difficult balance for caregivers to achieve," says Emily Browning, a Philadelphia-based licensed social worker and therapist for caregivers.

The person you're caring for may also struggle with the emotional side of mobility loss and not be ready to give up their independence. They might attempt to do tasks that they've been advised not to do, which can cause frustration for you and make your job harder. "For example, a physical therapist might advise that a person refrain from trying to use the bathroom on their own. They then go ahead and try it without asking for help and end up with a fall that lands them in the hospital," says Dr. Odogwu.

Signs of Caregiver Burnout

Caregiver burnout goes beyond just feeling like you'd like a break. Per Cleveland Clinic and Mental Health America, common signs can include:

• Dreading things you used to enjoy
• Emotional or physical exhaustion, no matter how much you rest
• Frequent headaches, digestive issues, or muscle aches
• Feeling hopeless or helpless
• Feeling irritable or angry towards others
• Trouble focusing or making more mistakes than usual
• Trouble motivating yourself to do things
• Withdrawal from family and friends

Is Caregiver Burnout the Same as Depression?

Many caregiver burnout symptoms overlap with depression. But there's a key difference: Depression typically affects all areas of a person's life and it doesn't disappear when the situation causing your angst is removed (in this case, when you take a break from caregiving). With caregiver burnout, your symptoms are usually tied to your responsibilities, and they usually ease up if you can take some of the responsibilities off your plate.

That said, caregiver burnout that isn't addressed can, and often does, lead to depression, according to a review published in the Archives of Gerontology and Geriatrics Plus. So if you notice that you're having signs of burnout, it's important to address the situation and work with your parent, their provider, and other family members to find a solution.

Causes of Caregiver Burnout

Burnout happens when your caregiving responsibilities become so consuming that they swallow up pretty much everything else. "It often results when caregivers lack sufficient support in caregiving duties and therefore are unable to care for themselves or to attend to parts of their lives outside of caregiving responsibilities," Browning says.

But it's about more than just a lack of help and time for yourself. Burnout can also result from something called compassion fatigue, Browning adds. What is compassion fatigue? And what is the difference between compassion fatigue vs. burnout? Essentially, compassion fatigue is a term therapists use for caregivers who become emotionally exhausted or depleted from absorbing the pain and suffering that their loved one is dealing with. Symptoms of compassion fatigue include:

• Feeling helpless to change a loved one's suffering
• Feeling overwhelmed by trying to ease a parent's pain or struggle
• Feeling withdrawn from other activities in life
• Having trouble sleeping
• Neglecting your own self-care

Who Is Most at Risk for Caregiver Burnout?

Anyone can become burned out from caregiving if the role becomes intense enough and goes on for long enough. But these types of caregivers can be especially vulnerable.

Family Caregivers

Caring for a family member can add emotional complexity to an already demanding situation. You might grieve the loss of your old relationship with your parent before you needed to take on the role as their caregiver. You may also have to contend with other family members who have different opinions about how your parent's care should be managed.

What's more, you might feel like you have zero say over whether you're a caregiver or not. "When someone feels like they have no other options and that they are the only one who can handle things, they end up feeling trapped," says Dr. Odogwu. All in all, it's a recipe for burnout.

Long-Term or Full-Time Caregivers

Simply put, the more time you spend tending to someone else's needs, the more likely you are to end up exhausted. In a five-year survey of caregivers for cancer patients conducted by the American Cancer Society, those who were still caregiving after five years had the poorest quality of life compared to caregivers whose loved ones had died or were in remission. Tellingly, the number of caregivers with depression symptoms increased from 28% at two years to 42% at five years.

Caregivers Supporting Seniors With Dementia or Chronic Illness

Older adults with dementia or another serious chronic illness have a long list of care needs that only intensifies as time goes on, meaning caregivers are more likely to become burned out. "The caregiver might have difficulty adjusting to the new level of care that is required for a person who used to be able to care for themselves," Browning says.

Caring for someone with dementia or another advanced illness often means having to make medical decisions for them. Figuring out if you're making the right move can be stressful or even guilt-inducing, per the National Library of Medicine. It's a huge emotional burden to carry.

How to Prevent Caregiver Burnout

If you're a family caregiver who hasn't reached the point of burnout, you're probably wondering what you can do to keep it from happening. These are some strategies for preventing caregiver burnout that Dr. Odogwu and Browning recommend.

• Build a support team and delegate when you can. Find the tasks that can be outsourced to a trusted family member or friend and ask for their help.
• Keep up with your healthy habits. Make sure you're eating, sleeping, and exercising on a regular schedule. It'll help you feel your best physically.
• Schedule things for yourself. Build in time to get out of the house to socialize and be active, even if it's just meeting a friend for a short evening walk. "You can be a wonderful and dedicated caregiver and still need time away for yourself," Browning says.
• Plan for respite care. Don't wait until you're already exhausted. Schedule regular times for someone else to care for your loved one so you can catch a break, whether it's hiring a professional or asking a trusted family member or friend.

Coping Strategies for Caregivers of Seniors

If you've reached the point of burnout, there are still things you can do to feel restored. Reclaiming bits of yourself can start with finding ways to manage your stress levels and your time and finding ways to nurture your social connections. It might sound like a lot right now, but it's doable when you take it one step at a time.

Stress Management Techniques

You can expect tense moments when you're caring for an older adult. But finding little ways to make sure that your cup is filled can go a long way towards helping you weather the storms with grace, Browning says. Here are some ways to do that, according to the National Institute on Aging and Mental Health America:

• Be active most days of the week. If you can't leave your loved one alone, try an at-home workout while they're resting or engaged in another activity.
• Be kind to yourself. "Remember that you are doing the best you can in what is likely a very challenging situation. Your loved one needs care, and so do you," says Browning.
• Build mini breaks into your day. Practice deep breathing while washing the dishes, play calming music in the car, or step outside for a few minutes of sunshine and fresh air.
• Carve out a few minutes for meditation or gentle stretching in the morning. It's more likely to happen first thing, when it's still quiet.
• Find a support group for caregivers. "Being able to share what one is going through, as opposed to holding it all inside, can be very therapeutic. In addition to this, hearing from others can lead to ideas for how to handle their situation better," Dr. Odogwu says.
• Set limits. Don't add to your stress by taking on extra commitments that you can't (or don't want to) manage.

Time Management Strategies

When you're juggling so much, it can feel like there just aren't enough hours in the day to get everything done. Here are some time-savers to try, from Mental Health America and the University of Alabama School of Social Work.

• Have reasonable expectations. Be honest about what you can actually accomplish in a given timeframe with your loved one so you're not strained. "Remember that it might take more time to get out of the house than it used to, and prepare for this," Browning says.
• Outsource when you can. Ask someone else to pick up groceries or use a delivery app. Automate your loved one's prescriptions and have them mailed to you so you don't have to order them or pick them up. If someone—or something—else can do a task for you, take advantage.
• Bundle tasks whenever possible. Make a master list of errands for the week and try to tackle nearby ones in one trip. Batch-cook meals so you can have leftovers to eat throughout the week.
• Prioritize your to-dos. Make to-do lists and put the most important things at the top. If there are five items on your list but only three need to be done today, just do those three. Let the rest go.
• Keep your daily routine consistent. Routines are comforting for older adults. Especially for those with cognitive or memory loss, completing tasks can be easier when they're familiar.

Maintaining Social Connections

Connecting with friends, family, and community members can be uplifting, so make it a priority as much as possible. Here are some ways to do that, from Harvard Health Publishing:

• Accept help when it's offered. Saying yes doesn't just make your life easier. "Often accepting help actually builds and strengthens connections with others," says Browning.
• Be open about what's on your mind. Many caregivers feel guilty for having feelings of burnout, so they keep them to themselves, Dr. Odogwu says. "But if we don't reach out, our friends and family will not know that we need help," she adds.
• Do mini reach-outs. Connection doesn't always have to be in person. Text your friend a photo of the pretty flowers you saw in your neighborhood, send them a quick voice memo to share about your day, or do a five-minute FaceTime. These small gestures can give you a big boost.
• Make regular dates to see friends. Getting time on the calendar and lining up respite care in advance increases the chances that you'll be able to follow through, Browning says.

Support Options for Caregivers

It can be hard to leave your loved one, but taking a break can be good for both of you. While family members and friends may sometimes be available to help, professional support services can also provide care when you need to be away, per the Mayo Clinic. Some options to look into:

• In-home respite care. These health care aides come to your home and spend time with your loved one or provide nursing services.
• Adult care centers. Think of them as day care centers for older people. They may offer socialization activities, health monitoring, and personal assistance based on your loved one's needs.
• Short-term nursing homes. If you need to be away for more than the day, some assisted living facilities and nursing homes may be able to care for your loved one.

When to Seek Emotional Support for Caregiver Burnout

Let your doctor know if you're having symptoms of burnout or make an appointment to talk with a therapist, recommends the Cleveland Clinic. "Especially if you are experiencing these feelings for two or more weeks, a professional can help you to evaluate your needs and the needs of the person who needs care," Browning says. Together, you can process your feelings and come up with a plan to ease some of the pressure.